Here death strikes again.
So many people, such a short time.
It has happened since long before any of us, and will continue with us and way after us.
We all live our lives. We go and go. Some of us are moving so quickly through life, that we are missing out on the things that really are the more important things.
I was guilty of this. I’m not ashamed to admit it. I have since figured out a better balance, though.
I love my family.
I love my friends.
I love racing, and birthdays, and listening to my people talk about their lives, and the things that they are passionate about.
I’m not very good at asking the questions, or initiating conversation, but that’s because I will listen to you tell me about your passions, your grief, your day at work.
When Mitch died, in January of 2017, I was confused. I wasn’t angry, I didn’t really wonder why, so much as “What the Fuck?” It wasn’t an angry wtf, so much as a confused, how could this have happened type question. Once we knew the science and biology behind, I stopped asking. I knew.
That question was answered.
You hear people say, all of the time, “god only gives you what he knows you can handle.” If you believe in God, this has to be true.
You may not know you have it in you, until LIFE (or death really), slaps you in the face.
Wednesday, after I ran 10 miles and was in my car, headed to get some food, I received a phone call. My father in law lost his girlfriend. (They might as well had been married. They had that connection, and that unconditional love. They were only missing the legal documentation).
Let me throw out a little back story on this man, without going too deep into details, or anything.
This man was married to my husband’s biological mother. He adopted my husband, and had 2 more children with his wife, Megan.
When Megan was in her early-mid twenties (I don’t want to screw up on the details), she was murdered in a bar, by a crazy man.
This man, Mike, became a widower father to 3 children, one of which was a tiny baby girl.
He did not handle that well. I mean, who could blame him, right? His wife was murdered. What was he supposed to do?
Fast forward through some addictions and runaways, some verbal fights, and a bit of time in jail, a couple of marriages, divorces and a couple more kids, grandbabies and sobriety.
Here we are, he’s the father of 5 now. He’s gotten his head together, he’s trying very hard to be a good man.
His eldest son dies. The son he adopted, when the son was just a boy, and had his mother ripped from him. The father who may have had his problems surviving this life, lost his son.
He had an amazing woman by his side, to help keep him together. She was there to keep him steady, and remind him that he would be okay. He would make it through this.
Fast forward a little over 2 years, and his girlfriend is now with his first wife, and eldest son.
If god is real, and only gives people what they can handle, he sees something heroic in Mike.
I’m so devastated, for him, and can’t even begin to imagine how his mind is processing.
I’ve been told I’ve handled all of my adversity with grace, and I don’t know. It’s what everyone on the outside sees, when my insides are a screaming and tangled and threatening escape.
But death. Death is one thing we are all going to face.
Death is inevitable, and I don’t think we should fear it. I’m not afraid. I don’t want to die, and I’d never do anything to speed up the process, or invite it sooner. I want to live into my old age, maybe meet a second soulmate, and grow old together with them. I want to have grandbabies and a son-in-law (or daughter-in-law. I’m not picky)
I want to watch my daughter grow into a woman, and watch her find her soulmate, fall madly in love, marry, and grow into her adulthood.
I really love living. I think that Mike is realizing that he loves living as well. Even through the grief that seems to keep being added to his plate, he becomes just a little bit stronger, each round.
I wanted to share his story, because many people judge. Many people do not KNOW. People will never truly understand. But, just the briefest summary of the shot hand this man was felt, and he’s still here. He’s still standing. He is STILL putting one foot in front of the other.
The world we are on is still spinning.
The bills still need to be paid.
Our work here isn’t done, yet.
Death: The only thing guaranteed of life.
Live while you can!
Be who you are!
Never stop saying their name!
Mary. Megan. Mitch. Sandra. Annie. Gramma and Grandpa McAnany.
Only their bodies are gone. We are forever able to remember them through our pictures, and our memories. We have videos, and voices recorded, now.
On the days we miss them the most, I think their spirits are the closest. Our human form cannot process their presence without their human form, so we interpret their spiritual presence as sadness, and yearning, and missing them.
We FEEL them, but we cannot touch or see them.
May all of our loved ones be partying like rock-stars.
We will miss her, of course. But she is definitely in good hands now.