I have sat down 21 times before today, and attempted to write a blog.
I know I have words to say, but I can’t seem to get them into written form this time around. No, there’s nothing serious going on in my life. I haven’t fallen in love, gotten pregnant, lost a limb or anymore family members.
But for some reason, I can’t figure out what it is that I actually want to talk about. So, I decided to start by telling you that I am lost when it comes to writing.
I will treat this like a journal entry, so bare with me while I figure out what I want to say.
This year has been one ride of insanity after another. I swear, if Mitch were alive, he’d be like me about masks. Wear them when required and don’t when they’re not. This year is the year of literal crazy! There are some bad cops killing some good and not so good people, but all of the police are being lumped into one major group as if they’re all bad. It’s so annoying because people either don’t see or refuse to see that doing this is exactly what a lot of people are fighting AGAINST! It isn’t ALL police, it’s the few bad apples that need handled.
This year has sparked (finally) a cry for equality. Black Lives Matter has become loud and heard. It has sparked controversy when it should just open eyes. Not all cops are bad, just like Not all Black people are bad. Not all Mexicans work for the cartel, and not all Italians are a part of the mob. All Caucasians aren’t meth heads. Girls who wear short skirts aren’t all whores and Just because you were born with a penis or vagina doesn’t make you a boy or a girl.
There is so much going on in the world of social media that it’s caused a huge rift between so many people. Like, really people? Of course I can’t support a racist, because that is just ridiculous. I can’t support someone trying to tase a cop and I can’t support “boys will be boys” when it comes to rape.
My goal in life is to bring joy to people, and I have gotten away from that as I have fallen into the trap of social divide. I want to support my friends. I want to support my family. I want to be there when I am needed most. I want to be the mom fo the year, while also laying down the law and teaching my child to do good, and leave no negativity behind as she walks through this life.
Is there a God? Are there multiple Gods? Goddesses? Mother Nature or any of that stuff? Are we literally just a bunch of beings floating around on this ball we call “earth”, living for nothing more than dying? Science says yes. We are living to die. We are killing our planet and no one cares because they don’t care about future generations, because they’ll be dead before then.
Our world has changed.
We went from being caring, helpful individuals who took pride in helping each-other. Of course things like racism and sexism make the things of the past not great. Can we create a world where we care and help each-other without sharing on social media. Without looking for something in return. Without needing a pat on the back. Is that possible? Or is our human race too worried about the amount of likes we get on social media?
Can we unplug and look around us? Everyone believes everything they read on the internet without even clicking and reading anything further on the subject. (I have been guilty of this as well.) I wonder if it’s too late for us.
I wonder if people even fall in love anymore. I wonder if it’s just about the social media presence, or if it’s real. I’ve dated. I have fallen for a guy. I have had my heart broken, all since my husband passed away. To say it made me harsh is an understatement. I am literally on anxiety meds because of it. I dated a guy right after the guy that fucked my head up and lord knows that guy (probably still) thinks I am a crazy bitch. It’s okay, though. I am glad that I gave it a go, and realized that I was batshit crazy at that time, because otherwise, what if I met the man of my dreams and was bat shit with him?? That would have been unfortunate.
I have touched on this before. I believe we all have multiple soulmates. I believe we are all put into each-other’s paths to help each-other along with the certain things we are going through at the time. Some soulmates are part time, and some are forever. The hardest part is knowing when to let some go, and when to hold on and fight for others.
I believe the guy I fell for is a soulmate. A Forever soulmate, but not the kind that you marry and have a life with like that. Maybe more of a “I’m always here for you” kind of soulmate.
I think the guy I dated that thinks I’m crazy was another soulmate. A partime soulmate. Someone who came to show me that I wasn’t ready for what I thought I was ready for, but without damaging any other relationships or life in the process.
I know that every time I say this, widows, widowers, children who have lost parents, and parents who have lost children all cringe and want to slap me. I know the thoughts happen. But, I WHOLEHEARTEDLY believe that EVERY SINGLE THING happens for a reason. Every encounter is fate. Bad and good. I believe if we are laden with a life full of painful events, we will eventually pull out stronger than many other people.
I think I know why I haven’t been able to publish any blogs recently. I can’t seem to finish them.
Until next time.