I have been up and I have been down over you. I have come upon some self discoveries that I have shared with you. I decided to tell you when I realize things about myself, because you seem to be onboard with my emotional awareness, but we call it being 9.5.
I do love you, and it’s something fierce. Some kind of love I’ve not experienced, before. Not in a crazy “no one can love you like I love you” kind of way, though. It’s much more complex, and deep, than that kind of “love”.
I am not IN LOVE with you, as I first thought. I have an intuition and I know you are meant to be in my life, and I in yours. I am sure of it. However, I am not 100% sure WHY, but I know it’s long term.
This weird love I have for you is a grand mixture of the ways a woman can love another human.
I haven’t told you this yet, because I am not trying to freak you out. I blogged about it, a bit before, but you’re not a subscriber, as far as I know. And I touched on this, lightly, and needed to really think about it, and clarify what I wrote the first time, in my mind. It didn’t feel right when I wrote it the first time. There wasn’t enough information for me. That’s one of the reasons I didn’t share it with you, the first time I wrote about this.
There are 4 ways that I love you.
- I love you like a mother loves her child. It’s pure. It’s innocent. It’s fiercely protective, and I never want to see you hurt, sad, angry or broken. I love to watch you grow and succeed. I find joy in your joy, and sadness in your sadness. I don’t want to fix you, but watching you find and fix little things about yourself makes me proud.
- I love you like a sister loves her brother. I want to slaughter any woman who hurts you, lies to you, or leads you on. I want to slap a woman who won’t even give you a chance, because I know you are one in a million. But you also annoy the shit out of me, sometimes, and make me want to smack you. I love you like a sister, in the way that I am going to annoy you, and mess with you, and tease you, for fun, just like you tease me.
- I love you like a woman loves her best girlfriend. I love when you spill your guts to me. Not because I like that you have problems or anything like that. I like that you are comfortable enough to allow yourself the freedom to unload (That’s what she said *wink*) on me, at any given time, and know that I am not going to judge you or care less for you. I won’t tell your secrets to anyone, and everything is between you and me. I get so excited for you when you lock in a date with a woman you like… But…
- I also love you like a woman loves her man. Jealousy flares when you tell me about going on dates. I dream of you, more and more often, and revel in it. I’ve even written a few blogs and even created a blog solely dedicated to the sex dreams I have, most of which are about you. I have that jealousy, and I have the sexual desire for you, but the best friend love overpowers it, more often than not. My desire to see you happy is so much more powerful than my selfish desire to be the one who makes you happy. Hell, I don’t even KNOW if I could make you happy, in this way.
I’m not sure I’ll ever get the chance to find out, either, and oddly, I might be okay with that.
What I am sure of, is this. I will be here. I’m not leaving. If you need a cheerleader, you can always look in my direction, because, no matter what you’re achieving or going after in this life, I’ll be right here in the stands, with my pompoms and high pony-tail, cheering for you.