There are days where I believe Mitch is walking right next to me, or running with me, or flying alongside. I watch as birds fly right up to me, while I am out for a run, and land, then run the path ahead of me or beside me. Like this morning. I felt Mitch’s presence so strongly, then I was met by a normal brown-bellied bird, on the sidewalk. It looked at me, as it landed, and ran ahead, leading me down the street. He traveled just about a half of a block, and I felt happy. It was weird and amazing and so random.

bird

 

Small things.

All the small things that we miss.

I was running outside, for the first time, in a while, aside from my races, and remembered how lovely it can smell outside early in the morning. The flowers, the grass, the trees, and randomly planted bushes and plants. Just slow down, take a deep breath, and soak it in. Memorize the beauty of everything we are too busy to see.

Appreciate the small things. They’re the things that make up ninety-five percent of your life. And we are missing most of them.

Stop letting life overwhelm you.

Force yourself to slow down.

When your kids talk, do you hear them? Do you REALLY hear them?

Be present. Listen with everything you have, and do not listen to respond, listen to HEAR. Listen to UNDERSTAND! Listen to feel.

Put yourself into the shoes of those who are speaking to you.

This is something I work on, still. I once was a fabulous conversationalist. Now, I feel like I’m lacking in it. Sometimes, I feel like I don’t hear half of what’s being said to me.

As I sit here, in my employee break-room, with about 8 of my coworkers, I have my face in a device, because this is on my mind, so much, that I feel the need to express it, and share with everyone who reads. I could be sitting at the table having a conversation with my work friends, but, I can’t stop thinking about this topic. It’s been weighing on my mind for a couple of days.

conversation cartoon

I know I am guilty of this, and I want to apologize if I have ever done this to you. Chances are, I have.

Cell phones. Text messages, social media messages, etc. They should never take priority over the person standing right in front of you. It’s time to step away from our devices when surrounded by real live people. Get reacquainted with human interactions.

The value of a real, live conversation is so much more than the value of a monotonous text conversation. The expression from real conversation keeps confusion out of the conversation. The feel, the touch, the eye contact. All of that MAKES conversation. The moment you look at your phone, in the middle of a human to human, face to face conversation, you are saying, “this phone, or this social media post is more important than you.”

Stop. We all need to stop.

I’m not on a pedal stool, with this. As I have said before, I am so guilty of this and I am so sorry. I don’t want to devalue my friendships.

Human touch. As a widow, I don’t get “touched” like I did, before my husband died.

Regular hugs, booty grabs, hand holding, being sat on, etc. These things that were taken for granted are things I miss tremendously. I love hugs. Hugs make me happier. I love giving hugs and receiving hugs.

When Mitch was alive, I could snuggle right into his chest and he’d hug me for as long as I needed, at ANY time of our day. Even if I woke him up in the middle of the night, and wanted to be held. He was there.

There are times that I think its human touch that I crave, and not sexual encounters, or anything like that. Just the everyday feeling of love from a source that doesn’t have ulterior motives. The trust. God damn, I miss being able to trust someone with all of my heart. That is the hardest thing about being widowed in this society. I question if good people still exist. I mean, there are good people, and there are good people who are also good at relationships, but they are far and few between.

I also feel like I am a magnet for men who don’t have their shit together, so I avoid those circumstances. I don’t get involved outside of friendship and make it very clear that I don’t want that in my life. I am solo, but I am also straight-up. I have most of my shit together, but I also know that ANYthing can fuck it up. Being stable is a fragile place for a single, middle class mother. One tiny thing could take my stability and throw it out the window on the freeway. So, for any guy who may have asked me out, and I have said no, I apologize, but I am in need of a man who is independent, and who can hold his job. No need to be hurt by that statement. If anything, I hope it motivates you to get your shit together. We are closer to 40 than we are to 30, so, lets just remember that.

quote

I’m aware of my self-worth, so, I am going to be picky as hell about who I let into my life. With that said, I will not try to convince anyone of my worthiness. It will be seen by the people who wish to acknowledge it.

Live your life happy, and love the ones you surround yourself with. Surround yourself with beautiful (on the inside) humans, and build one-another up. Avoid negative behaviors, given or received.

Water

off

the

duck’s

back.

water off a duck's back

 

**I am sorry for the all over, bouncy nature of this post. I hope the point is still there.**

***I blame all of the coffee.***

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s