“Gosh, I feel like I Never see you!”

That’s a true statement. I see so many people, who live in other states, all summer long, but when it comes to family, I don’t see much of them. We are all busy, with our individual lives. We all have shit on our plates that we wish we didn’t have to bother with. We all wish we could see each-other more, but we are all aware that LIFE is a bitch, and we all have bills to pay. Some bigger bills than other, some bigger paychecks than others, but all of us are living.

My brother and his fiancé just had their second daughter, and I am so in love, and I haven’t even gotten to meet her yet!! (I have been in contact with some pretty nasty viruses, and I don’t want to pass it along to the baby. I would never forgive myself!)

She is the cutest! Big sister has been so excited to meet her, and I am so happy for my bro and his beautiful family.

I haven’t blogged much recently, as I am almost always out of town, and almost always having an amazing time, so I think, “who wants to read a widow blog about how much fun she’s having?

Today, I realized, that thought is ridiculous! Just because my husband died FAR too early, doesn’t mean I can’t share with the world my ability to still have fun, because, for the love, this is what my blog is meant for! I am confessing!

I was widowed at 34 years old.

My husband was the most amazing fucking human being I have ever met, in my entire life.

We always had fun, so why in world would I stop, because he passed? Of course I do my adult shit, first, like pay bills and make sure we have a roof over our heads, but after that’s taken care of… All bets are off. Meg will have memories to last a lifetime. I want her to know that even after such a traumatic, devastating loss, we are all capable of bouncing back. Why? Because we are! We, as humans, are fucking amazing!

We have to continue living, when we lose our favorite people, or our favorite things. If you haven’t lost someone, you don’t understand how amazing it is, that we keep going. I see Mitch’s grandfather, who lost his wife less than 5 months after Mitch died, and he is still going. He is still grandpa. He is fucking amazing! Can you even imagine that? Living with someone for 50+ years, then all of a sudden, they’re no longer here?

It’s insanity. It’s painful. It’s relief. It’s sad. It’s expected. It’s unexpected. It’s hard. It’s life. It’s death. It’s what no one wants, but everyone will face. It’s terrifying. It’s the worst.

It. Is. Loss.

Those of you who read, regularly, know that I started my year off, in anger management, which is hilarious if you think about it. I still hold to the fact that I am probably the least angry person you’ll ever know. Hell, I do plenty of things to release my “anger” or frustrations, as I like to refer to it. I throw myself into Obstacle course racing, and that takes so much of my energy, that I don’t have any leftover to be angry with people for longer than 5 minutes.

Fun. We are having fun.

Megan and myself.

This weekend, we go to Georgia for a race and fun with friends. Then, on the 26th, Meg and I hop on a plane and fly to California to meet our internet friends, of 14 years, and have a fun weekend.

Then, November 9th, Meg and I hop on a plane, and head to Florida, again. Only, this time, it’s Tampa. We are going to have an ACTUAL vacation. I am so excited. Just Meg and myself.

One thing I am so grateful for is friends across the states. I have friends in Florida, and across the US all the way to California.

I am grateful for my travel buddies, and being able to have friends in every state I go to. I am so glad to be able to open up, and talk to strangers and make them into friends.

I am so grateful to have found, and truly embraced, the OCR community. Meg can chill anywhere at an event, and I don’t have to worry about her, as I race. She is pretty known amongst the OCR community, and no one would let harm fall upon her. OCR is a tight-nit family.

I can’t wait to see my GA friends, this coming weekend. I can’t wait to com home, and celebrate the October birthdays with my family. I can’t wait to have a weekend off, and do nothing, before I fly to California. I can’t wait to go to California. I can’t wait to go to halloween parties in Cali, and have tons of fun. I can’t wait to do the team challenge, with a group of people from OCR. I can’t wait to relax. I can’t wait to vacation in Florida, again, and relax and enjoy the weather, and the pool, and the bar. I can’t wait to see everyone over the holidays. I can’ t wait!

THIS is my favorite time of the year!

If you have just lost your significant other, just know, you CAN find happiness. It happens. It is real.

With all my Love!

The almost 36 year old widow.

 

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