I seem to ask myself this question, a lot, lately.

Who am I? Really? Am I someone my family needs to be ashamed of?

Am I someone who should feel shame in what I do, or how I feel?

Should I be ashamed about anything in my life.

My answer to all of those questions is no. I am not ashamed of myself, in any way, shape, or form.

I was terrified, when Mitch passed. I asked myself, so many times, “Who are you, without him?”, and I couldn’t answer that question. That was scary. He helped shape me into the woman I grew to be. He did. Just imagine, you’re 17 years old.You fall in love. You are with this human for the rest of his life. He dies at 34. I was lost. So,  without him, who am I?

I am Tabbie.

I am woman.

I am Mom.

I am sister.

I am daughter, granddaughter.

I am cousin, friend, and coworker. I am athletic. I am a lover. I am passionate. I am curious.

I am a fixer. I am a surgical tech. I am fun, and entertaining.

I am a talker. I am a writer. I am a professional.

I have the mind of a man, and the body of a woman.

I am curious.

I am sexual.

I. Am. Me.

It took me over a year to really understand who I am. I have always known I am not like everyone else. I am okay with that. I have always understood that I am a bit different, but it is okay. I am not too weird. I don’t think. I mean I have met weirder people, throughout my life.

I have met an array of humans recently. Most are pretty amazing people.

I’ve met a couple in an open relationship. I have met a father/daughter team, that I can’t imagine my life without, now. I have made friends along this widow journey, that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

I have become healthier. I have learned to open up, and be completely honest about everything. I don’t want to step on toes, or hurt feelings, or be a dick, but I am honest. If I think you are sexy, I’ll tell you. I don’t care what you think of me.

If I think you’re being a douche bag, I will tell you. I don’t care. You should probably stop being a douche.

If I think you should seek professional help, I’ll tell you that too.

I would never tell anyone anything in a mean way, just an informational way.

So, as I continue to ask myself, “Who are you, really?” I will continue to grow as a human. I will continue to help others grow as well, in any way I can.

 

Can you say who you are, really? Think about it. You should know you, but do you?