It’s like it was in the beginning, almost.
Today was supposed to be a huge deal, where a bunch of us got together, and drove all over Kansas, to do the haunted Kansas tour.
No one came over.
Not even one person. My brother, and my brother in law, Michael were going to come, but I ended up just taking Meg to the doctor’s office, to have her checked for influenza and strep, since she’s been sick for a few days.
(She tested negative for strep and the office refused to test her for influenza, and my irritation with that is a discussion for another time.)
So, today turned out to be like any other day, except I had taken the day off, as a vacation day.
We went and got my taxes filed, had lunch, went to Dips and Sips, and basically just spent the day together.
We didn’t talk about Mitch, much. We talked about silly things he would have said or did, but not about him being gone.
I cannot believe it has been an entire year, since he passed on. It’s still hard for me to wrap my mind around it.
One year. A whole year. 365 days. My mind can not comprehend the amount of time he’s been gone.
It’s rough. It is so hard to be the good parent AND the mean parent at the same time. It’s hard to learn how to do it all by myself, follow a budget, pay the bills on time (thank god for autopay!), make sure Meg is staying caught up at school, make sure we have clean underwear, ALL the time. Food, drinks, meat out of he freezer so I can cook dinner. Little things and big things.
This life is hard.
I believed it was impossible.
I was wrong.
I have fell into routine. I am very organized and efficient. I don’t dick around or beat around the bush about anything. If I feel something, I tell people. If I disagree, I say it. It doesn’t mean I’ll try to change your mind or hate you because we disagree. If you hurt my feelings, you’ll know it. If I think you’re being a child, I’ll tell you.
I ask people to treat me the same way.
If I’m acting like a spoiled rotten bitch, (yeah, it happens sometimes), just tell me to take it down a notch. Sometimes, and this is embarrassing) I don’t even realize it’s happening.
If I do or say something that hurts your feelings, TELL ME! My goodness, I would NEVER intentionally hurt someone, so please never let it stew!
I always used to tell Mitch, it was weird how when we were together, it was like there was never a time that we weren’t together. It was hard to remember life before Meg when she was born. We fell into such good sync and took the punches as they came.
I can’t say that the same is true now. I can remember, vividly, life with Mitch. But, the synchronization of life in general has shifted to a new dance. It’s working, and we are finding happiness in this post-Mitchell life.
We will always miss him. We will have mental breakdowns every once in a while, and that is okay! We have the most amazing support system in the universe.
I have decided, today, that come fall, I will enroll in school, to become a counselor or even a psychologist. I feel a pull toward this field. I feel like I will be able to help people, directly, this way.
I am really hoping to be able to do the entire course online.
So there’s a brief, look into my possible future.
With that said, I must go to sleep.
We made it, and we are stronger for it.