I almost feel like I’m turning into a Sociopath. I mean, I KNOW I am not, but I have felt like crying since I woke up, and not one tear has fallen.
My mind keeps saying “remember, be happy for what you HAVE!” I am. I am so happy for everything and everyone I have in my life.
I am EXCITED to see my families, today.
I woke up, when I could have slept in, and met some friends on a dam, to do HILL SPRINTS, followed by a little over 3.5 mile run.
I HATE that Mitch isn’t here, to get the green slime, or the turkey. Or to be found dipping the cheese cubes into the nacho cheese. My heart is ACHING, but my mind keeps jumping in “get it together, Woman! It hurts, but you have so much to be thankful for!” And the pain will subside for a bit.
It’s like I am numbed, again, for today. Like the saying “God only gives you what you can handle.” If God is real, he is holding me today. I feel light, and cheery as fuck, right now.
I am baking brownies, and getting even more excited to see everyone, and share the brownies with everyone.
I made them from scratch, and they are, basically, the most delicious (healthy… shhhhh! Don’t tell anyone) brownies, ever!
Soy free, dairy free, and gluten free! Also, no sugar! ❤️
I really hope no one is watching, waiting for me to break.
I am home from the festivities.
I had a great time with all of the family today. (Most of the family)
We ate, we talked, we enjoyed each-other’s company. I came home, and soaked in an epsom salt bath. I feel good.
I was truly worried that I was going to break, as I’ve been held together for so long. I didn’t. I stayed whole, and put together, the whole time. I am wholly me, still and always.
I was wholly me, while Mitch was here, but we were also 2 halves of a whole US. For so many years I was a part of a “We”, not an “I, me, my.”
Things are so different, now.
Mitch, I hope your thanksgiving gathering was fantastically filled with amazing people. We love you and miss you horribly. Most of us still can’t believe you are gone.