So, out of sheer curiosity, I wanted to check out dating apps, to see what I have to “look forward to” when I am ready to date. I downloaded three, set up 2, and had them for 3 days.
Entertaining, but stupid.
I have deleted these apps.
I hold nothing against anyone who uses them for hookups, and such, but, this is not, and probably never will be for me.
I guess I’m just old school, like that. I can’t look at a picture of someone and a 200 character description, and be like, “yeah. That person sounds interesting!” Meh.
How do they talk? Accent? Intelligence? Or slang-whores?
Body language. Where are their eyes when they speak? I love reading people. You can’t read people through pictures, or text messages.
Anyway. It’s a good thing I’m not looking, because I would be totally out of it, and discouraged.
When it comes time, and it may be quite a ways down the road, most likely, I’m going to meet people the old fashioned way.
I remember when I ACTUALLY met Mitch. Always in the cafeteria, with his camera, and his scraggly long-ish hair. He was always making silly jokes, and pretending to take pictures of me. I never saw him with his shoulders slumped. He was always smiling, and laughing with his friends. That adds so very much to one’s attractiveness. It gives you an idea of how someone really is. You sit back, and observe.
Right now. My focus is Megan, my family and friends, our health, and work. Strengthening myself in each of these areas is time consuming.
Plus, my heart, soul, and mind aren’t ready for dating. I won’t be ready for a while. And that’s okay.
Even though I joke about sex, on a VERY regular basis, that’s exactly what it is. Joking. This behavior is one of the many reasons I was always “one of the guys”.
Nothing has changed. People may just notice it more, because I am widowed. I post things on social media, just like I have always done. (Thank you for pointing that out, Tracey.) The difference is this: Mitch isn’t responding, so maybe my sexual posts are taken wrong. Maybe it looks distasteful? It’s okay. It’s the same shit I’ve always done, it’s just different without Mitch’s goofy ass responses, that I was always excited for.
Everyone always told Mitch and I that they loved our social media banter, and our presence.
Now, my social media presence is one sided. We played off of each other so often, calling each other names, and being silly. At the risk of sounding cocky, we entertained many people. (Or, so we were told, often.)
Here’s to taking each step, one after another.
Here’s to making my current relationships (with friends and family) stronger, and healthier.
Here’s to furthering my career!
Here’s to making this life I was dealt, a good, great, and happy one. Or as good, and happy as I can make it.
Every single day brings new thoughts, new feelings. New hopes, or dashed dreams. Each day differs in how I will react to anything. I can watch videos of Mitch’s ash being spread and giggle one day, because the ash blew funny, or bawl my eyes out the next day, because it hurts so fucking bad. I am an emotional roller coaster. But I’m here. I’m trying to be positive. Mitch always showed me the silver lining. Some days, I really struggle to find that silver, but I always find it.