Yesterday marked 5 months that Mitch has been gone.
Yesterday, we were informed a family member has 2 weeks- 2 months left with us.
Today, Megan had softball.
She had a rough day behind the plate. She felt like she was screwing everything up.
She started to cry. She cried hard, and for quite some time.
The girls almost had to forfeit the game, because without Megan on the field, we didn’t have enough players to finish the game.
I didn’t tell her to go out there. I told coach that I could never tell her to do that. Her emotional health is far more important to me, than any win or loss.
Watching her cry, uncontrollably, for so many other reasons, outside of softball, hurt so bad. When she stood up, and walked out onto the ball field, by her own choice, was heart wrenching. Everyone out there watching the game, cheered for her. Even the other team’s parents were cheering for her.
As the only person out there, that really understands what she is dealing with, and not being able to do anything to make it better, it sucks. I am her mom. I am supposed to comfort her when she is hurting. I can’t.
All I can do is hold her until the tears stop. When her tears stop, and she steps away, my heart breaks a little. Tears well up, and I fight them down.
I have my good days, and I have my bad days. But, I don’t think my worst days hurt me as badly as Meg’s bad days do.
I love her, so very deeply, that I can’t handle it when she is hurting. I mean, I CAN but I don’t like it, at all.
It hurts. Bad. We miss him.