I received some sad news today. I am not going to reveal who, or what but, we were informed that a close relative is very close to death. In some ways, it’s comforting to know that this person will no longer be suffering once they have passed on, but, it hurts to know that death imminent. It hurts to know that hope is gone, here. Now, it’s time for comfort care.
Death is approaching much quicker now.
I had to tell Megan, and she broke down, and bawled her eyes out in the car.
There was so much hope, for this person. So much. My heart is shattering again, knowing that someone else is going to have to go through the pain that I have been going through.
I don’t want anyone else to die. I don’t want anyone to suffer. I don’t want anyone to feel the extreme pain of this form of loss. I wouldn’t wish this life on my worst enemy.
So, as I sit here, crying over what is to come, I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to act. I don’t know how to help, or be.
It hurts. This person has been around for over half of my life. All of the people involved have been.
Most of you may not know, but I have only lost one person, who was really close to me, and it was a life changer. It was my husband. My step-brother and my Uncle fought battles of their own, and decided the only way to win the battle was to take themselves out of the equations. So, their deaths were their choices. It still hurt, when they died. It still hurt knowing that I wasn’t going to see them on random holidays or birthdays. But, my first REAL loss, was my husband. The first loss that put me on my knees, and curled into fetal position, crying, out loud. The worst pain I’ve ever felt.
Now, I know that another family member is going to experience, in their own way, the pain, and heartache that I am experiencing.
My hopes are that there really is an afterlife, and that Mitch, Megan, and many other family members are there to welcome this loved one, into an afterlife of no pain, no sadness, no anger, and no regrets. An afterlife of happiness, and joy, and love.
Hug your loved ones often. Tell them how much you love them. Be there when you can, and make time. Put forth the effort to be around.
My scars have been ripped wide open, today.
Time to restart this healing process.