I’ve been MIA for a couple of weeks. It’s been a busy, non-sleeping couple of weeks. Texts in the middle of the night, drive to Georgia, and back, kind of craziness. Megan graduated from Elementary school, and will be a middle school kid! And, this weekend, I am driving almost to St. Louis to run, yet another race, then I’m driving straight home, right after.
My mind has been tossed from one place to the next, and I haven’t sat down to actually contemplate how close it is to what would have been Mitch and my 14 year wedding anniversary. I took this weekend as a “no-call” weekend, so that we could go out, and do things, like dinner, a movie, and S-E-X! Whaaaaat? There will be no sex for me this weekend. =P (that’s fine, too)
How does dating work, anyway? As a widow, do I date someone I know, or do I go with a stranger who doesn’t know my situation? Is there even anyone who doesn’t know my situation? This may come as a shock, to most of you, but, I’ve tried to dip my toes in, and I am fucking clueless! One guy was a stranger, and learned very quickly of my situation, because of my very public facebook page, and blog, and the other is someone who has been around for a very long time. like 10+ years (as a friend of a friend). I know I don’t want a relationship, because, dear sweet baby jesus, that would be a ticking time bomb, right now. At least that’s what I’ve read, in multiple places, plus, I am not ready for relationship status. I am not ready to say “Hey Megan, I have a boyfriend.” So, I don’t want one. But, I am young. Between the two I was talking to, they were extreme opposites, prude/freak, and it’s already over. I was told I am an overthinker. So, there’s that! Tell me something I DON’T know. 😉 I have too much going on, these days, to worry about dating, anyway. I just have wants. Wants that are low on a list of things I want for myself. I allowed the possibility to cloud my priorities, if I am being completely honest. For shame! Thank the gods for honesty.
And, for anyone who is wondering how I am “moving on” it’s not like that. I know, in my heart of hearts, that no man will EVER live up to Mitchell John, and I have accepted that. Now, if someone comes out, and surprises me, so be it, but, I don’t see that happening. I am not moving on. Mitch will forever be in my heart, and on my mind, no matter the situation, or place in my life.
Give me a minute while I screw my head back on, straighten my spine, and reset my priorities. Back to my family and friends. It was fun while it almost lasted? I have no idea.
P.S. #NoJudgingZone Also, I am not spell checking, or grammar checking this blog. I need to go to work!