I’ve been a very busy lady, today. I’ve kept my mind occupied as best I could. No matter how busy I am, there is always a part of my day, where I feel like I am going to break.
Today marks 2 months since my husband, and best friend closed his eyes, and never opened them again. 2 months. It feels like it’s been a lifetime!
Many things have happened in the last week. I shared a story in Facebook about how I thought about this guy (not sexually!), all day, and FINALLY sent my brother a text, and he said “weird! I was fishing with him all day!” Then a few days later Megan informed me that she wanted to go camping, and asked me if I remembered daddy’s bro-mance from when we went camping on the 4th of July. I laughed and then informed her of the conversation I previously had with my brother. The bromance was the person who I was thinking about, and who was fishing with my bro. Weird! We all thought that was crazy.
I talk about Mitch every single day. Some people seem a bit uncomfortable when I talk about him, but they shouldn’t. Some days, it hurts so bad, talking about him, but other days it feels good to talk about him. Most days it feels good.
Today. Whew. It’s been so busy, and I’m just now sitting down to type everything. I woke up at 5:45am so I could drive 30 minutes away, to work out. Then, I went to city market, and followed that up with the rest of the grocery shopping. Came home, put the groceries away, and FINALLY took a shower! FINALLY! Then I came out and prepared food stuff for girls night, tonight.
Friends and family came and went. We chatted about things of the past, things that happened when we were children. Things that we did, that we PRAY our children don’t do at that age.
I have seen many pictures on social media, ones that really hit me, and make me feel like I am doing things right. I feel like being bitter, and angry, and depressed is not the way I want to live. I also believe Mitch wouldn’t want me to be an ass hole. Plain and simple.
One quote that I really loved was this:
“You either get bitter or you get better. It’s that simple. You either take what was dealt to you, and let it make you a better person, or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate. It belongs to you!” ~ Josh Shipp
This is me. 100%. All of my life, this has been me, outside of a few years of my teenage adolescence.
So, when you see me, being happy, it’s not that I am happy Mitch is gone, because that’s so far from the truth. It’s because I MUST be happy when things make me happy. I cannot allow myself to be sad when things make happy. What kind of life is that? It’s not one that I can imagine, no matter how sad I am, or how heartbroken I am that I’ve lost my husband. I will always hurt at the loss of him, but that won’t block my ability to be happy in other places in life.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I am still alive. I’m still breathing. And with that, I’ll leave you.