Do I feel bad? Kindof, but, only because Mitch wasn’t with me, physically, having fun like I knew he would.
Am I ashamed. Nah. Not really. Mitch would have wanted me to have fun.
Mitch told me “Next time you go to a drag show, I’d like to come too. It sounds like you had a fun time!”
I never attended another drag show until this evening. I thought about Mitch while I was there. I thought about how he would laugh and make fun of me for singing along, and having so much fun. I thought about how he would tell me how uncomfortable he felt, yet how fun it was.
I played Bingo, hosted by my favorite, Genewa (probably spelled it wrong.). I won this really cool quilt! Mitch would have made fun of me for my excitement for winning. Mostly because it was a quilt, and I have 599+ blankets all over the place.
I feel I must explain. I think about how Mitch would react to every single situation I am in. So if I am smiling, I am feeling like what I think Mitch would feel. Plain and simple.
I smiled a LOT, tonight. I had FUN with friends, tonight! I had a couple margaritas, tonight. I had $20 in ones, and tipped the queens, tonight.
(I am posting via iPhone, so forgive me for not checking my spelling or my autocorrect, but it’s a pain on here.)
I made sure to take pictures, tonight. I felt like it was a must. I realized that I didn’t take many pictures the last few weeks before Mitch passed away. It hurts my heart that I didn’t get more pictures of us. It really hurts that I couldn’t even sneak the pics because Mitchvdidn’t want his picture taken.
Anyone who knew Mitch, KNOWS that he wasn’t one to let others see him when he wasn’t feeling well. I loved his “manliness”, but I hated it as well. I’m not going to lie or sugarcoat it. If he cared a little less about how others perceived him, maybe, JUST MAYBE, someone would have realised that he was ACTUALLY worse off than anyone could even comprehend. Maybe. Not a guarantee, by any means. I am a FULL believer in “everything happens for a reason”, so I can’t say one way or another. I have always felt that my life was planned out for me and I am just following a path that was laid out for me.
(Forgive me if I ramble. Again… 3 top shelf margaritas, tonight, an I haven’t really drank anything since the last time I drank with Mitch, the Friday before he was taken from us.)
So, I won one of the raffle items this evening at Drag Bingo. I was actually the first one to win anything on the raffle! I NEVER win, ANYTHING! I was in shock when they said my numbers. I won a quilt! It’s amazing and one of the physician’s assistants would bee googly eyed over my beautiful breast cancer awareness, almost positively handmade, quilt. 😍 I love blankets! And quilts are AMAZING!
If ever you want to come hang out, I’ll be at Hamburger Mary’s on April 14th for drag bingo ($10 for 15 raffle tickets. $10 per bingo card set! It’s much fun, and will make ANYONE smile! ❤
Anyway. I, the widow, leave you with these photos of my smiling face (and one of the quilt I won). I smile because I know Mitch would want me to. I smile, because it hurts not to, sometimes. I smile because I was loved so deeply, and given everything I asked for (within reason) from Mitch. He gave me his all, and I am so grateful for that!
So here. Smile because that’s what Mitch would want! Smile, because it makes your soul feel more complete.